ADVICE FOR BULLYDOZER'S
ADDRESSING BULLYING AND DIVERSITY IN OUR SCHOOLS
It used to be that school was about the “3 R’s,” Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. “Bullies” were kids that stereotypically “stole your lunch money” or physically abused others. They were stereotypically, from broken homes or a poor upbringing and the way to address them was to stand up to them or fight them. It used to be that two boys would have a problem and they would “call each other out” or “take it outside” and get into a fist fight. Someone would get a fat lip or bloody nose and that would be the end of the fight. Today, things are a bit different. Here are a few suggestions:
ANTI-BULLYING MODEL
First, is the “Anti Bullying Model,” whereby the “bully” is educated on the reasons why they choose to bully others and how it impacts other people. Certainly, we cannot provide “psychotherapy” for every “bully” in America, but school counselors and teachers can be taught to see who the “bullies” are...and it’s not always the “big kid.”
It used to be that the big kid or the tough kids were the “bullies.” We were told that “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us.” What we now know is that words are the most powerful tool we have as human beings and the scars that are left from abusive words can last much longer than a bruise.”
Therefore, as we also now know, the “bully” can be anyone from any background. It can be a sweet little girl that comes from an upper middle class family that is well educated and articulate. However, let’s call her “Sally,” little Sally has learned how to manipulate people with her words and alienate other kids that don’t do what she wants. These verbal skills are very powerful and probably help Sally get very good grades, but used improperly scar and damage other children that get in her way.
Therefore, the “Anti Bullying Model” that I have created simplifies the process. We must take the time to educate those children and young adults that we see have the issue of trying to get their way by abusing others. “Bullying” is no longer viewed as only the threat of physical abuse, but verbal abuse and isolation.
This “isolation” or being separated from the “pack” or the “group” is where a second and more significant model comes in to play; “21st Century Multidimensional Hierarchy of Needs”
Dr. Abraham Maslow was considered one of the leading Behavioral Psychologists of his day and did a great deal of work on human behavior and motivation. As the President of Motivate America and Founder of National Motivation & Inspiration Day, I have dedicated a great deal of time studying Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is considered one of the foundational studies of human behavior and dare I say “evolution.” There are 5 stages of Maslow’s Hierarchy; Physiological, Safety, Love, Esteem and Self Actualization. Dr. Maslow believed that each of the “stages” of need had to be satisfied before you could advance to the next stage or level of need.
Therefore, it used to be that a “bully” would threaten people at the very base levels of physiological or safety needs. These are frankly easier and more direct to deal with, because our human instincts of “fight or flight” kick in. You either “fight” to protect yourself or “flight” and avoid the physical altercation. The nuance and danger now with “bullying” is that it occurs at higher levels of need, and is especially dangerous for young adults as they are trying to find self-esteem, love, and acceptance. Young people are trying to “fit in” or determine their place in the world. We know as adults, this changes dozens of times as you get older. A young adult’s peer pressure, and need for acceptance, seems almost critical to their survival. Hence, the high levels of suicide.
What’s the solution?
I believe there is a national curriculum that must be adopted that must be taught beginning in 2nd grade, and evolving through High School Senior year, 12th grade. There is obvious movement with younger children trying to teach the importance of acceptance of others and other cultures, however, I believe the answer is found through introducing young adults to some fundamental psychology and “how they actually work.”
In the end, educating young adults about how they work, their belief systems, and how actions may not be the best way to interact with other people is a starting point.
Teaching those that are vulnerable to have a stronger sense of self and self-esteem is important, however, they must also understand that the world is not going to slow down or change for them. They must understand how to change their view of the world and their position in it.
Also, parents and teachers must take a greater role in the lives of teenagers. There is far too much free time, and freedom, given to young adults. We must dedicate more time to young adults through these difficult years of young adulthood and transition.